Whether you struggle with being emotionally close to people or you suffer from anxiety, you can still find a date today thanks to online dating. Today there is no shame in doing so as this is the new standard for meeting potential partners. In fact, according to the Pew Research Center one in ten Americans have used such apps. Of these people about 2/3 have met up with someone from the app and of this 2/3 about ¼ of them have gotten married or entered a long-term relationship with the person.
Who’s Using Dating Apps and the Ramifications of Such use Today
Most single people have found their way onto one of these apps today. They’re there because they want to meet new people in hopes of starting a meaningful relationship. Whether they’re ready to settle down now or in the future, most admit that they would like to eventually settle down.
While this is good news, there is a downside to it too: In the past people were more likely to either tolerate or overlook minor annoyances or imperfections, but today people are more likely to dismiss a person for these things. Many of these people are the same people who don’t try to overcome their own shortcomings. Instead, they simply want to find someone who will enable them to remain the way they are and never change. In fact, Smith and Dugan conducted a study in 2013 in which they discovered that 32% of people who use online dating never settle down because there was always someone else they could date when something went wrong with the relationship they were in.
Using Dating Apps When Suffering from Anxiety
Attachment theory is one of the primary ways of keeping people attached through the “use” of anxiety. This is because once you grow too anxious because you’ve strayed too far away from your partner you must calm yourself by re-establishing closeness with them. Unfortunately, this system was established when it was more challenging to establish security because relationship partners weren’t as readily available. Now that they’re more readily available, thanks to the relatively recent invention of dating apps, this theory is no longer valid because they remove real world consequences. Now nobody seems to stick with the same partner anymore since it’s so easy to virtually connect with someone online.
Some psychologists don’t believe this is true though. This is because for a relationship to last it must eventually enter the “real” world. This is when real emotions and intimacy begin. To deal with these things people must learn to work through their differences and tolerate one another’s imperfections. Unfortunately, some people are tempted to simply return to their dating apps but in doing so they get caught up in repeating this process continuously. This is what’s known as the “app trap” and it violates the rules of nature.
How to Conquer the Dating App
There are some things you can do to conquer the app trap, including:
Don’t rely on the app. Try meeting people in person.
Only talk to people on the app who live close enough to meet in person.
Be courageous enough to set up a specific time and place to meet the other person in public.
Once you’ve dated for a person for a month and both of you agree you want to continue dating, put the app away.
While the good news is that online dating is possible for anyone anymore, the truth is that you must still deal with your mental health issues and not avoid them. At The TMS Advantage we are here to help you with everything from anxiety to any other mental health issue that you may be facing today. Simply get in touch with us so we can set up an appointment and get you the help you need today.
Picture Credit: nastya_gepp